"Half-time: Yay! I'm going to buy some food. With any luck, it will be poisoned."
"67 min: Zinedine Zidane is in the crowd. Poor man."
"68 min: An Algerian fan has scaled one of the floodlight pylons. An entire army of security personnel are waiting for him at the bottom."
"74 min: RED CARD! Ghezzal, the Algerian substitute, dives for a header, misses it with his head and attempts to control the ball with his arm, earning a second yellow card. An [censored] dismissal."
"GOAL! A GOAL! A REAL, ACTUAL GOAL! NOT JUST A SHOT BUT A GOAL! A GOAL! Algeria 0 Slovenia 1 (Koren, 79min) Koren shoots from 20 yards and the goalkeeper absolutely RobertGreens it into the net. It wasn't a very good shot, vaguely towards the corner I suppose, but the keeper puts his hands in the wrong place, nowhere near the ball, which proceeds to bounce off his shoulder and into the goal."
"90 min: If there's one good thing about Algeria, it's the fact that they've got a cute picture of a desert fox on their shirts. Enjoy it while you can, because they've only got another couple of games to wear it in."
"Final thoughts: And, with perhaps undue haste, that's it for me. I'm off to expunge the memory of the last two hours by banging my head repeatedly against a wall. Enjoy the rest of your Sunday. It can only get better."
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